Artivels Undescribable Perfection

UnowPriceless hyped garbage

TrueHello Fun premise, good actors, bad writing. This film seemed to have potential at the beginning but it quickly devolves into a trite action film. Ultimately it's very boring.

InformationRap This is one of the few movies I've ever seen where the whole audience broke into spontaneous, loud applause a third of the way in.

moonbus-982-519398 If you are a fan of Senta Berger--surely one of the most handsome actresses ever--then I can imagine you might want to see this. She was certainly capable of better, given a role and a script, and she may rue this film in retrospect; but at least you'll get to see her in a costume you just can't believe stays on her. They must have glued the hair piece to her chest to keep it in place. I saw a German- dubbed version; dire dialog. The humor is moronic: 3-Stooges sort of falling down and beating each other with rubber clubs. This might look better after 3 joints.Interestingly enough, the extras section contained a trailer for a trashy movie titled Sizzle Beach USA featuring a very young and then-unknown Kevin Costner. What an embarrassment! At least as amusing as the main feature on the DVD.

Lee Eisenberg Now that it was OK to show brainless erotica on screen, they were allowed to make a movie like "Quando le donne avevano la coda" (called "When Women Had Tails" in English). It portrays several witless cavemen finding an island inhabited by scantily clad babe Filli (Senta Berger). Personally, I can't understand why these dopes wanted to devour her, even if they thought that she was an animal; had I seen her, I immediately would have wanted to have sex with her! Anyway, she gets one of them interested in a certain kind of game. Before you know it, they both run off together, but the other men aren't satisfied and chase them.I should identify that most of the movie consists of scenes in which people club each other askew, asunder, and in other ways. It seems like the sort of movie filmed by a bunch of people getting together for the weekend (possibly for an orgy). But overall, I liked it, if only for the guilty pleasure that it arouses. This is certainly one that you watch to laugh at, nothing serious here. Really fun.

BaronBl00d Way back at the dawn of human civilization cavemen sat around and made lame jokes, hit each other over the heads with what ever they could grab, and women were never seen and apparently at one time had tails. These cavemen lived in a geographically diverse region with a cockatoo, a camel, a monkey - but no women. This film tells of the "hilarious" misadventures of seven(or so) cavemen - having burned their land with the new discovery of fire - moving on by water to a new land where they find this woman with the extra appendage. Along the way we get such "great" moments of comedy like a fat cavemen swallowing a frog that keeps croaking in his stomach. A monkey throwing rocks at their heads. A man swallowing a mouse to get the frog in his stomach. The obligatory "gay" caveman. The list could go on and on. This movie is the very definition of cinematic dreck. I was bored from the onset and it only got worse as the cavemen bobbled around hitting each other, making poor jokes such as puns on the word perch, hitting each other, and mauling poor Seta Berger who looks like she lost a bet to a producer to appear in this nonsense. She is indeed one of two bright spots in this film. She isn't much of an actress so you have to guess why she is an ass-et? The other "bright" spot is the music. As soon as I heard the score, I said to myself that it sounded very familiar. I had never heard the actual score but the music was unmistakably that of Ennio Morricone. It's a nice score and the best thing in an otherwise crude, boring, lewd, unimaginative, and ridiculous film essentially about a group of Moes finding a woman for the first time and, first wanting to eat her like some animal, being taught what she could do. Awwwwh! Sorry, I'm stifling a yawn as I relive the plot! The end of the film has some 100 or so mostly naked women on screen with all the erotic feel of pulling a scab off your knee. This movie was painful to sit through and offers nothing of any real merit whatsoever. The fact that it spawned a sequel doesn't surprise me as it offers that one thing which will prick viewer interest - tail.

Mindset-2 There were 150 women at the end of the movie? Honestly, I never made it that far. The product of a really boring graveyard shift at Jumbo Video, my shift partner grabbed this one off the rack because he wanted to watch something with jugs and thought it'd be weird enough for me to give it a try (he was right). I'm sure our copy had the title "The Time Before Women Had Lost Their Tails" (I remember thinking how that didn't make any sense as Filli doesn't have a tail). Painfully juvenile, the cast makes the Teletubbies look like the Marx Bros. In all these years, its never occurred to me that it was Italian. I remember that they were speaking gibberish, but I'm pretty sure it was Caveman gibberish and not a foreign language. Either way, there were no subtitles or dubbing, which didn't make it any easier. Just a lot of gibberish and over-exaggerated mime. Long, boring stretches of attempted situation comedy of the lobotomy-kind, the movie never even rises to its sexploitation ambitions, keeping Filli (Feely) to a bikini minimum (to they dismay of my shift partner who was so perplexed by the movie he watched it like a deer caught in headlights)and hammering its "Johnson" punchline home with such dead horse-brutality that they obviously thought it'd only get funnier with each replay.I've often heard film critics cry over losing 90 min of their lives to some dreadful movie they've had to watch. They have no idea.