Beanbioca As Good As It Gets

Brendon Jones It’s fine. It's literally the definition of a fine movie. You’ve seen it before, you know every beat and outcome before the characters even do. Only question is how much escapism you’re looking for.

Micah Lloyd Excellent characters with emotional depth. My wife, daughter and granddaughter all enjoyed it...and me, too! Very good movie! You won't be disappointed.

Cristal The movie really just wants to entertain people.

Bezenby I'm a zen master, and there is various practises we employ in order to clear the mind of the everyday babble that all humans endure. One is to ask yourself "What is the sound of one ninja crapping?" and "If a ninja teleports in a forrest and no one is there to see it, does anyone give a crap?" Joseph Lai, Tomas Tang and Godfrey Ho were the undoubted masters at bringing this zen train of though to life, and here is a fine example.When I say fine, you know what I mean. It's a mid-eighties ninja film (but NOT a cut and paste film), and it's pure, unfiltered, garbage. Therefore it's great! Set initially in New York (Hong Kong with the Stars and Stripes sellotaped to various walls!), we find ourselves meeting two cops, the Chinese John and the Af-Am Spencer, being chewed out by their boss for arresting the senator's son for attempted rape – turns out the chief would have been happier if they'd let him just get on with it. This has nothing to do with anything but the fight is pretty funny.The plot itself involves John being framed for possessing drugs, escaping jail, and then trying to find out why anyone framed him in the first place. Obviously it's something to do with the drug trade but what you need to know is that there's five 'elemental ninjas' who have amazing powers (water, earth, air, fire, kebabs) that are rendered unamazing by the zero budget of the film. Watching a ninja surfing on a thin piece of bamboo or burrowing underneath sand is soothing to the soul.So John's got to go up against these dudes while having flashbacks to his own ninja training, which includes a direct rip from the start of Enter the ninja. There's a few twists and turns but no one in their right mind would care about them. These films are all about the brain damaged action and the laughs! And speaking of brain damaging, there's this brilliant bit of editing where John slumps his head over just right when the film cuts to a scene where a door is kicked open, making it look like John smashed his head on a table.Even better is the overlong sex scene (that John manages to have while the cops are looking for him) not only does this go on forever and THEN reveal that John hadn't yet taken his trousers off, but then the sexy music switches to some bizarre off kilter tune while the actress starts vibrating her arse all over the place. Genius.There are many, many battles in this one, there's stolen musical cues (like Psycho), and the usual bad dubbing. No one makes films as stupid as this anymore.

Comeuppance Reviews John (Lou) and Spencer (Thomas), who may or may not be part of some sort of Blues Explosion, are Kung Fu cops on the beat in "New York". There's a mysterious bad guy on the loose named Mr. Tong (Chang) and he commands an army of ninjas known as the Five Element Ninjas. Their history goes back "1000 years!" with each ninja mastering the forces of metal, fire, wood, earth and water. Now we know where those plagiarists at Captain Planet got the idea. When drugs are planted in John's home by a spectacularly evil police captain, John not only has to fight to clear his good name - he has to take on the Five Element Ninjas as well! Will he be able to do it? Find out today! Having been fans of Alexander Lou since we saw Mafia vs. Ninja (1985), we were happy to see him again (even though MFN came out after The Super Ninja) - especially teamed once more with his co-star Eugene Thomas. The Super Ninja doesn't disappoint with its Ninja Boom-era insanity and has all the hallmarks fans have come to expect: crazy dubbing (especially for Thomas, it sounds like a White guy doing a racist "Black guy" impression...with hilarious results), gravity and physics-defying ninja action in the forest, and fast and furious Martial Arts, which often get lost in the general aura of silliness.Because the movie is about Lou going on a revenge mission in a series of events started by the unknown (?) vendetta of his commander, which perhaps is not enough on its own to fill 90 minutes, director Kuo-Ren Wu simply extends scenes to the breaking point: while we usually enjoy the time-honored workout montage, the problem is that the Prerequisite Torture and the quasi-pornographic sex scene with Lou and his girlfriend Nancy (Lung) just go on for an interminably long time. That being said, some of the classic items we know and love are here too: the yelling while shooting a machine gun, the sax on the soundtrack, and ninjas that travel quickly underground like Bugs Bunny, and much more. So the crazy quotient, while not quite as high as in Godfrey Ho-land, is still pretty darn high and makes the movie overall pretty entertaining.One of the best sections of the movie came when it took time out from the plight of Alexander Lou and it introduced the strengths of the Five Element Ninjas in a series of quick profiles. Also it should be noted that ninjas can walk directly up a tree like they're walking up stairs, and Alexander Lou's sleeveless half-shirt that says "MAN" on it. As if his manliness was ever in question.In all, The Super Ninja just reinforces why the Ninja Boom of the 80's was such a beloved and successful time for ninjas the world over.

karl_consiglio I had not laughed so hard in ages, probably never as much. The movements in this movie cracked me up. The sound effects are great, the acting is hopeless, I loved it. This is definitely one of the places Quentin Tarantino came looking for the creation of Kill Bill. Not only the fighting, but there is a sex scene like no other I have ever seen in a movie, I laughed so hard. Just when you can't believe how funny it is, it gets way funnier, so much so it hurts. One of the greatest experiences of my life. Ninja movies need not be your cup of tea to enjoy this. I definitely recommend. Very satisfying, makes you forget about the troubles of the day, a real treat.

bbriggs-3 Super Ninja is a ninja extravaganza that is one of my favorite ninja movies. This ninja movie is extremely cheap and has awful acting, very laughable dialogue, and dubbing so horrible many viewers will never be the same afterwards. On the other hand the movie is fast paced so you don't get bored, the plot although simplistic gives context to really cool ninja fight scenes that are surprisingly top notch.Alexander Lou who also kicks serious ass in Mafia vs. Ninja plays John, a tough ninja cop working in the USA with his partner who is a stereotypical jive talking black man named spencer. While investigating criminals who are in league with ninjas John and Spencer experience harassment from their evil caucasian police chief and the other racist caucasian police who decide to frame John because he was interfering with police/mafia business deals. John is put in a cell and is tortured by the racist police and has flashbacks to his brutal ninja training until he escapes by beating the s*** out of all the honkey ass yahoo police in a head on action packed escape scene. John although a fugitive still is determined to crack the case of the Five element Ninjas who all specialize in specific ninja tactics. Spencer helps John kick ass *SPOILER START* until spencer sells out John to get money so he can fit into "the white man's world" *SPOILER END* John is outnumbered but he is an indestructable Super Ninja hence the title of the film. He proves this by fighting all five of the five element ninjas who are extremely deadly even to John. The best is at the end when John dresses up in his white ninja uniform, equips himself with a bunch of awesome ninja tools and infiltrates the Ninja mansion estate killing everyone in his path.If you watch a lot of kung fu like me you will be surprised at how good the fighting is in this incredibly cheap movie and as long as you can embrace unintentional hillarity in pathetic acting, dubbing, effects, sets, dialogue, and race related politics (chinese good everyone else bad) this is the perfect movie to watch with like minded people. If you liked the pathetic and hillarious Mafia vs. Ninja you will find Super Ninja similarily awesome without any doubt!! buy it or rent it today!!