Merolliv I really wanted to like this movie. I feel terribly cynical trashing it, and that's why I'm giving it a middling 5. Actually, I'm giving it a 5 because there were some superb performances.

Bergorks If you like to be scared, if you like to laugh, and if you like to learn a thing or two at the movies, this absolutely cannot be missed.

Aneesa Wardle The story, direction, characters, and writing/dialogue is akin to taking a tranquilizer shot to the neck, but everything else was so well done.

Roman Sampson One of the most extraordinary films you will see this year. Take that as you want.

Charles Stauffer An ultra low budget, and a script in need of a major re-write, but gosh darn it if this little gem isn't fun for a change of pace. Just compare this 1960's low budget effort with more modern fare like "The Cat in the hat, or the Jim Cary version of how the Grinch Stole Christmas, and you will get more honest laughs and have a better time by watching this flick instead of some more modern "block busters".This is hardly a perfect film, indeed it is far from perfect, and that's what makes it a charming waste of time.

loriwallace-93796 Made in 1964 this film is a cult classic. Is it a great film? No! Is it fun to watch? Absolutely. Should you see? Of course. Is it safe for children? Yes. The plot of this film is that the children of Mars are in some sort of stupor. When a father goes to the supreme leader about the problems his children are having the leader tell s them that "Children are no longer Children on Mars". Eventually the Martians are told about how on earth they have Christmas and Santa Claus. The Martians then set out to kidnap Santa and they do along with 2 children. Santa however is facing a problem when he gets on Mars because one the Martians does not approve of his arrival. If your a child of the 1970's then chances are you have seen this film. It is fun to watch. You can't help but to laugh at the cheap looking "Saturday Morning Television" special effects.

MisterWhiplash There's not a thing that the filmmakers behind Santa Claus Conquers the Martians gets right, but right from the beginning their premise is so preposterous I'm not sure it could have even if it had been helmed by Richard Fleischer on a good day. This is about how martians - who we know are martians because of their awful, vomit-green paint on their faces and helmets that were bought at 1964's equivalent of Party City, despite them not coming from a red planet (for the brief seconds we see Mars it looks more like some green orb with some varying shades of things, I can't describe it at all for the life of me) - see that their martian children are too obsessed with the TV and a news reporter interview with Santa up at the North Pole. This leads them to come to Earth, they end up kidnapping two hapless kids first, and then use a robot (which doesn't do much) to kidnap Santa Claus so they can... do WHAT, exactly? Maybe the filmmakers thought they were going to make a sweet and dopey little children's movie, but what they got instead is alternatingly obnoxious and kind of insane in how the editing goes, not to mention the casting of John Call as a Claus who may just be TOO close to how kids picture Santa so that he becomes nightmare fuel instead. There's one particular martian named Dropo (Bill McCutcheon) who seems to be the biological father of Rob Schneider as far as being the kind of comic relief one wants to punch repeatedly to make him shut his face. There's also a couple of nefarious martians - one of which a Bryan Cranston stand-in and another who has a mustache halfway to Connery's hairy appendage in Zardoz and Daniel Plainview - who are so uptight that their performances can't help but be laughable.I think it's advisable to go the MST3K and/or Rifftrax route for this one, but I would be curious to some day watch it without the addition of the commentary. It's so bad that it's mesmerizing at certain times, from the stultifying acting and extremely cheap sets (at one point, and this is when they're still on the ship I think, the martians put a couple of the kids in what looks like a broom closet, no mock-up done to it at all), and how it's all done with a completely straight face. It's almost excusable how one note the child actors are (if they even are actors, I think a couple of parents lost their children at the bus stop and they were plugged in to this for a week or two), but what undoes any even shred of good-will is that its Santa does the same "conquering" in scene after scene: he will make the martians LAUGH until they're uh still green in the face.This all leads up to a climax where one of the martians is defeated by, you guessed it(?) Santa using his dark arts to use the toys to attack him with their cuteness and toy-ish ways. The way the editing, in a montage style that I'm sure (no, I'm not) was lifted from the Eisenstein cookbook, cuts back to a laughing Santa Claus during this makes it look like he could be a serial killer instead of jolly ol' St. Nick. From the consistently terrible dialog, an occasional appearance by a newsman that looks like a marionette, and the first screen appearance by, uh, Pia Zadora(!) this is a complete mess, but a lot of fun.(PS: In full disclosure I did watch this with Rifftrax Live, and it made for a spectacular experience)

burnadrenaline This movie is mostly just boring, hence the low rating. However, there are some super lame special effects that make for some unintentional comedy. Basically, martian children are bored and boring. They even need sleep spray to get them to sleep. So the martian council asks some super old guy what to do. The answer...Santa Claus! They don't have one, so they kidnap one! This movie wins points from me because it's such an absurd concept that the fact that it even exists is somewhat novel. You get about what you would expect from this movie. Including (but not limited to) Santa Claus fighting people, lasers, low-budget robots, and one of the worst excuses for a polar bear costume I've ever seen. Seriously, that is one of the most remarkable parts of the movie. Essentially, one of the worst things a movie can be is boring, and man is this movie boring. Almost (not quite) on the level of Gigli. However, humor, however unintentional, saves it from being quite that bad.