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utgard14 Black comedy about sex and murder at a high school. Guidance counselor Tiger McDrew (Rock Hudson) is banging many of the female students while also trying to help horny virgin Ponce de Leon Harper (John David Carson) get lucky with a hot new teacher (Angie Dickinson). Meanwhile Police Captain Sam Surcher (Telly Savalas) investigates a series of killings at the school.Fun, sexy, and cheesy in the best way. The cast is great. Lots of pretty girls, with of course sexy MILF Dickinson the standout. The script, by Gene Roddenberry of Star Trek fame, is smart and Roger Vadim's direction is good (in his first American film). Perhaps not for all tastes and definitely not for those who take everything seriously. If you enjoy some political incorrectness in your movies, you should have no problem enjoying this.

wes-connors On his way to Southern California's "Oceanfront High School", 17-year-old Los Angeles senior John David Carson (as Ponce de Leon Harper) can't escape the constant barrage of sexy girls in tight shirts, shorts and mini-skirts. When horny substitute teacher Angie Dickinson (as Betty Smith) sticks her butt in his face and rubs her breasts on him, Mr. Carson has to run for relief in the boys' lavatory. There, he discovers the dead body of a shapely cheerleader with a farewell note on her panties. This is the start of a serial murder spree at the high school. Meanwhile, guidance counselor and football coach Rock Hudson (as Michael "Tiger" McDrew) is copulating – he takes willing girls into his office and turns on the "Testing" light...Carson is the water-boy for Mr. Hudson's football team and asks his coach for advice about sex. We're not privy to exactly why Carson, an attractive guy, is unable to find an interested partner. His haircut is funny, but certainly not a deal breaker. Hudson decides to help Carson by setting him up with Ms. Dickinson. Pretty in pink, she nips the problem in the bud. Meanwhile, Hudson continues to bed beautiful young women as bald detective Telly Savalas (as Sam Surcher) investigates their murders. He, Hudson and Dickinson went on to star in successful 1970s TV series ("Kojak", "McMillan & Wife" and "Police Woman") in spite of this trash. This film was brought to you by producer-writer Gene Roddenberry and director Roger Vadim. Their "Pretty Maids All in a Row" does not boldly go where no man has gone before – but, it has charms...The highlight of this film is Mr. Vadim and Charles Rosher's arousing photography of young woman in and out of their clothing. The soft core antics of an admirable cast and what looks like dozens of casting couch cuties has no real substance – at least, not in this telling. The visual candy makes up for a silly story. The best shots are of the girls showing off their upper thighs and panties. Those who always knew "Here Comes the Brides" downer Susan Tolsky was secretly hot will see proof. While older than the others, Dickinson more than holds her own. Other than that, it's just strange to see this cast and crew team up – as a stupefying bonus, you get The Osmonds' chirping theme song "Chilly Winds" (a non-hit B-Side).***** Pretty Maids All in a Row (4/28/71) Roger Vadim ~ Rock Hudson, John David Carson, Angie Dickinson, Telly Savalas

tarmcgator Another blast from my past! I was a horny college student when this film was released in 1971, and I recall a big photo spread in "Playboy" promoting the film with revealing images of various "Pretty Maids." (Joy Bang? Nothing suggestive there!) I went to see the film based on that promise of titillation, but rather than being turned on, my tender sensibilities were turned off by the amoral characters and plot line.I recently watched the film again on TCM (give them credit for not censoring the mild nudity!), and I can't say that my view has changed much in 35 years. Those who try to excuse this fecal matter as "black comedy" or as an unsung "cult classic" are putting a lot of lipstick on a warthog.Many privileged Baby Boomers (of which I was one) developed in the 1960s a peculiarly self-centered notion that youth is morally superior to maturity, that idealism always trumps experience. The media -- especially a movie industry with a new ratings system that released filmmakers from the restrictions of the old Production Code -- pandered to the Baby Boomers' self-congratulatory moral smugness. This film is rife with such pandering. Rock Hudson's lecherous/murderous teacher is represented as the only cool adult in the film, as much for his "youthful" sense of style as for his unorthodox ideas about educating horny teenagers. The only other remotely hip adult is Telly Savalas' detective, who himself develops a grudging admiration for the murderer. The Angie Dickinson character is an overly earnest teacher who has to be "enlightened" by Hudson into seducing Hudson's sexually frustrated protégé (John David Carson). The other adult characters are essentially movie idiots (Keenan Wynn and Roddy McDowall are particularly offensive -- I hope they were paid well), while the hip, turned-on teens in the film protest the Vietnam war and lecture their elders on sexual freedom and openness.I have nothing against good old-fashioned lust, but even in 1971 I saw the impropriety of Hudson's character having sex with his female students (which he excuses as a way to enhance their psychological well-being). That sort of sexual power-mongering is bad enough, but then the controlling bastard must kill certain sexual partners (and others) who might expose his escapades. Rather hypocritical, isn't it? Advocating sexual license but afraid of having his own licentiousness exposed? (His wife, played by the lovely Barbara Leigh, is strangely passive in all this mess. It's never clear if she's totally clueless or remarkably tolerant of her husband's extramarital liaisons, though the film's ending points toward the latter.) After the Hudson character's demise(?), the newly unfrustrated protégé (who earlier is dismayed by revelations of his mentor's murderous behavior) adopts the same style of sexual duplicity for himself. (He attains symbolic hipness by abandoning his wimpy Vespa for a studlier motorcycle.) Perhaps the filmmakers were trying to argue that the new sexual mores of the '60s were a sham -- just the old, inescapable sexual hypocrisy coated with hip psychobabble – but that point itself is objectionable, and the film's own hypocrisy emphasizes just how disgusting the old sexual double standard really was (and is).One would think that this film was a rather blatant fantasy by that unapologetic libertine, Roger Vadim. But the film was written and produced by that celebrated intergalactic moralist, Gene Roddenberry, for God'sake! This guy gives dirty old men a bad name, and the film makes me yearn for the mindless but honest lasciviousness of hardcore porn. Comedy, even black comedy, still needs a moral center, something we can laugh with rather than just laugh at. This film glories in its amorality and mocks what the many progressive Boomers of the 60s, for all our ignorance and pretense, were trying to accomplish (and to some extent, have achieved) in making society's attitudes about sex more humane.

krorie This may very well be the kinkiest mainstream Hollywood movie ever made. Picture Rock Hudson as Coach Tiger McDrew, a playboy teacher sleeping with the female student body, killing the ones who threaten to expose him or cause him problems, hence the title "Pretty Maids All In A Row." The Tiger is at least twenty years older than those he beds. Spotlight substitute teacher Betty Smith (Angie Dickinson) rubbing her boobs against those students who ignite her libido, ultimately deflowering one of Coach Tiger's star players, Ponce de Leon Harper (John David Carson), not unlike the name "Fonzie" from TV's "Happy Days," causing him to be metamorphosed from a shy, timid teen, into the playboy of the western world.Guess who's in charge of the investigation into all the murders on and around campus? None other than Kojak (Telly Savalas), portraying Captain Sam Surcher, with a thing for his cigarette (in training for his later lollipop placebo). He is assisted in his search for the killer by Keenan Wynn as Chief John Poldaski, more a hindrance than a help. The straitlaced, prudish Mr. Proffer (Roddy McDowall) is in charge of the high school where mass slaughter is littering the campus with dead bodies. He naturally would like for it to stop. To emphasize the theme, Joy Bang has a bit part as Rita.Those behind the camera are just as surprising. Self-proclaimed libertine director Roger Vadim, fresh from "Barberella," starring his brother-in-law's sister, Jane Fonda, makes sure the camera shots include as much cleavage and exposed skin as permitted in those halcyon days of 1971. Though based on a novel, Trekky Gene Roddenberry wrote the salacious script, even beaming up Scotty (James Doohan) for the role of Follo. Roddenberry served as producer as well. Trivia question: Name the one movie scored by the darlings of the establishment, The Osmonds? Right, "Pretty Maids All In A Row." Actually, their version of "Chilly Winds" is not bad.My wife and I saw this flick when it was first released in 1971 and found nothing outrageous about it. We watched it a second time recently and were surprised at how shocking it has become. Either the times have changed drastically or we have changed drastically (pobably both) since the days of the Flower Children. What is politically incorrect today was accepted by the viewers in that bygone era. The viewer will note that though the theme and philosophy seem deviant by today's standards, there is almost no vulgar language used in the film. That cultural barrier had not yet been breached by Hollywood.Obviously intended as black comedy at the time, "Pretty Maids All In A Row," is certainly no "Dr. Strangelove," nor was it meant to be. However the viewer labels this film, it is guaranteed to entertain and arouse the basic instincts. Enjoy it, even if you must call it a guilty pleasure.