SpuffyWeb Sadly Over-hyped

FirstWitch A movie that not only functions as a solid scarefest but a razor-sharp satire.

Deanna There are moments in this movie where the great movie it could've been peek out... They're fleeting, here, but they're worth savoring, and they happen often enough to make it worth your while.

Scarlet The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

Amanda Emilie Mauno Maybe even the worst. I watched this film a few weeks ago. I wish I didn't. I was actually really excited because I am a huge fan of Malcolm and I do enjoy watching Hugh Grant(though not a real fan). I was so disappointed. Half the time I didn't know what was going on, the rest of the time I tried to figure out how long it was until it was finished. I was even more confused at the end. It was so bad I had to laugh and just ask "Was that it? What? How? Why?" during the credits. I was always hoping for it to be more exciting, but nothing ever happened. The cinematography, directing and editing was just awful. There was no real story and you end up with more questions afterwards than when you first started the film, and no answers. I had to read about the film later to find out that the character Malcolm plays (simply called "the stranger" in the credits), is actually supposed to be the Devil himself. That made it even more confusing. I am very generous to give it a 2, and it is simply because Malcolm was really looking hot in this one. But that doesn't really help. People say he sunk really low in Caligula, but that was hundred times better than this rubbish. I gave that an 8. For me Night Train to Venice is the lowest Malcolm has sunk thus far (I've seen more than 25 of his films). I wish I never saw it and if I were to see it again, I would simply skip to the shots with Malcolm in. But it is really awful, avoid it at all cost, even if you are a massive fan of either Hugh or Malcolm.

jalilidalili I'm generally not somebody who'd criticize, but this movie deserves to be exposed. It's the worst piece of cinematography I've ever seen and I have been leading the film club at our school, so I saw all the amateur crap pupils brought in. For goodness sake, home movies of babies sleeping motionless are more interesting. This movie sucks so much, that if you own it, you'll never need a vacuum cleaner again! It's so dull that in comparison even cotton candy seems like a razor sharp object! Neonazies chase the leading character, but he is able to walk away from them in an empty train cart, only to run into them later on and escape by allowing them to get killed at his convenience.Come on, even when you see the sexual scenes between the leading actors (and the lady is hot) you'll just say to your self, why do they show this. Shouldn't they rather end it? And when they finally end the movie, you're not even glad the torture is over, you actually get angry at them for waiting until the end. Trust me, it's the time you'd better spend with the TV turned off.I'm seriously considering contacting my lawyer and making a civil suit against the director for not committing suicide before finishing this movie.

cfinde for some reason this film keeps being put on TV opposite late night infomercials. however, it's not any more entertaining than they are. u can sleep to it though and even listen to CDs while its on and u won't miss a thing. not sure if this could have been safely released theatrically without bomb threats against the projectionist. someone should probably confiscate all copies of this baloney and do atomic testing near them. its possible this film causes cancer.It also begs the question: why there isn't a "zero" rating on this site? I'm wondering if the director really knows how bad this is and whether he was able to be paid for it. Maybe the director's name really is alan smithee.. or maybe it should be.

g_skerry I first saw 'train to hell' in France in 2004. It was in one of those 3-in-1 compilations - a sure sign of its poor quality. Its excellence, however, is belied by surely the most unrepresentatively titled film ever. Train to hell. No. train to Venice. Yes.I expected it to be a dark nightmarish train journey, culminating in some sort of death. However, the train appeared quite pleasant, apart from the odd camp German skinhead neo-Nazi stereotypes and Malcolm Macdowell, whose silence is enough to turn any milk sour with fear. Truly a spectacular start. It gets better.Martin Gemmel gets Amnesia, but his constant questions 'who am I? Who is Martin Gemmel?' should surely be replaced with 'What is this film? Is there a plot?' If he had asked these, I'm sure he would have never recovered. Just as you think, 55 minutes in, that the film is about to go somewhere, it ends. Malcom Macdowell, looking ominous, stares for five minutes, then Hugh Grant runs over to save a child from a high fall. Cut to some Venice Tourist Board shots of Venice by Helicopter, and Bam! the film ends. Just over an hour, containing at least 20 minutes of needless footage of Venice and trains, this film has everything a film should: gratuitous sex, violence, explosions, a high profile actor (Macdowell), a rising star (Grant), Nazis, Slow motion, psychoanalytical 'barn' shots.Everyone should watch this film. It is amazing.