Matrixston Wow! Such a good movie.

FirstWitch A movie that not only functions as a solid scarefest but a razor-sharp satire.

Hayden Kane There is, somehow, an interesting story here, as well as some good acting. There are also some good scenes

Logan By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

Comeuppance Reviews Look at the above picture: Ernest Borgnine is IN the diamond. End of plot synopsis.This laughably and lovably inept movie is just out and out silly - so take that as a solid recommendation. One of our readers, Gap, suggested we review this movie, and we always try to listen to our followers. Brandon Lee is charming as the CIA agent/mercenary who is a master of disguise named Michael Gold. There is a 526-carat diamond at stake called the Verbeek (?) diamond which will enable whoever gets it to build a powerful laser to take over the world. Naturally many bad guys are after him as he tries to rescue Professor Braun (Borgnine) who has been kidnapped. His journey takes him from Cuba to the Namibian desert, with Braun's daughter Alissa (Monahan) in tow.There are inane action sequences involving shooting, blow-ups, guard tower falls, evil Germans, fruit cart chases and many other clichés, all done in what seems to be an unintentional cartoonish style. The "help the daughter find the kidnapped father" is a very American Ninja-style plot, and Ernest Borgnine's accent comes and goes. The unnamed song, which repeats many times throughout the film (plus all the nonsensical goofiness) reminded us of White Fire. The song is musically very reminiscent of "There's No Easy Way Out" and the singer sounds drunk. Apparently it was done by David Knopfler, and his husky, amazingly slurred singing makes Bob Dylan seem like someone with perfect diction.Laser Mission was done in the golden year of 1989. It was directed by BJ Davis, who has a long history in the stunt world. It has since fallen into the public domain and thus can be found in gas stations all over the world for about a dollar. If you see it, we strongly suggest you pick it up, as it is well worth that meager investment. Sure, the quality is blurry (even the SOUND is blurry) but it will provide entertainment and laughs. And isn't that what movies are all about? Laser Mission is a silly great time. We'd love to find more movies like this.for more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com

Ziggo Doesn't anyone else wonder how in the hell they DROVE ACROSS THE Atlantic OCEAN?! Funniest thing I ever learned from a movie: Apparently the border of Cuba is not the Atlantic Ocean, but a mostly desert covered country of Africa (Namibia, maybe?). Holy God. The main girls voice was just horrible, she was so unattractive too...ick. Great how they didn't get any sweat stains while trekking through the desert for days on end, and how they kept running across random henchmen who were just wandering around there too. Made me laugh so hard I couldn't breathe. Oh, and who could forget the ninja jumping out of NO WHERE and being dispatched in like 3 seconds flat? They just had to add the ninja. Best disgustingly awful movie ever, terrible in an awesomely horrible way. If you're into awesomely-bad stuff, check it out.

Oljy Guns, corny scenes and cleavage. Absolutely one of the best camp action movies out there! So filled with clichés, bad acting and... blatant racism? Even if the main villains are white Nazis, about 90 percent of their henchmen are black men who suffer terrible deaths in close-up shots. (South-African contribution to the film?)Usually camp films are made with serious intent, but I got a strong feeling that this was made with a tongue in cheek. Then again, almost all action films are made that way, so it is hard to tell.Although the movie is great fun, it is best enjoyed with sufficient amounts of intoxicating beverages and salty snacks.

Hitchcoc It's as if someone said, "There have been lots of good spy movies made. Let's make one that isn't clever, isn't exciting, makes very little sense, and see if we can get people to go to it." I doubt that many did. When I saw our boy Chuck Bronson killing armies of people with one shot in all those Death Wish movies, I thought I had had enough. These people that are able to run around with weapons and kill people by shooting them out of tower, off roofs, and right in front of them, gets really tiring. It's not much different than a bunch of ten year old's playing war. Every shot finds its mark and no one can hit the broad side of a barn on the other side. Of course, their approach to combat is to run at the guy with the gun, holding your weapon to the side, and stop. Ernest Borgnine must have been really hard up for parts (remember, he was once an Academy Award winner). This isn't tongue in cheek fun (although they try to throw in a little humor). It's just abjectly tiresome. Find an old James Bond film.