Vashirdfel Simply A Masterpiece

MamaGravity good back-story, and good acting

Lollivan It's the kind of movie you'll want to see a second time with someone who hasn't seen it yet, to remember what it was like to watch it for the first time.

Frances Chung Through painfully honest and emotional moments, the movie becomes irresistibly relatable

Red-Barracuda They don't really make films like Death Machines anymore and that's a bit of a shame. It seems to have a bit of a mixed reputation if the reviews on here are anything to go by but for me this is an unqualified success on account of just how entertaining it all is. Its story centres on three fighters – the death machines - who are directed by a female crime boss by way of a mind control drug. She then uses them to carry out a series of hit jobs on her enemies. For reasons that remain unexplained, the death machines are bullet proof.From the outset, you have to give some credit to a film whose three central characters are named in the credits as White Death Machine, Black Death Machine and Asian Death Machine. And you also have to give plus points to a film whose master criminal is an East Asian lady with huge hair. She directs proceedings that amount to a series of scenes of the death machines taking out a variety of shady rival criminals. These set-pieces are connected together, often without much of an explanation. But sometimes sense can be over-rated and sheer nonsense can be so much more fun. I find it hard to understand how so many people can have found this movie boring. As far as I'm concerned, it moved along at a cracking pace and threw plenty of action and insanity at us from start to finish. There are lots of martial arts fights; heads and arms are chopped off; a truck is driven through restaurant window and a bulldozer flattens a man in a phone booth; an aeroplane is taken out by a bazooka; a banker is blown up by a time-bomb and a professional hit-man is thrown off a roof; an assault on a karate school is attempted with predictably action-packed results; there's a biker bar-room brawl; we have a shouting police captain and a 'hero' who is beaten up easily by an angry pensioner. I'm pretty sure there was a lot more than that as well. This is great fun basically.

Comeuppance Reviews "Nothing and Nobody can stop them!" "The Death Machines" are three men that dress in black and work for an Oriental woman with big hair. They know Kung-Fu and many other ways to kill. Also it is basically impossible to kill them. They are almost supernatural.They are going around town killing gangsters in funny ways. Most notably, crushing a guy in a phone booth with a bulldozer. The head gangster meets with the Oriental lady and tries to convince her to have the Death Machines (or DM's for short) stop killing his men.Soon there is a big brawl in a karate studio where the DM's kill everybody except one man who loses his hand in the fight. While in the hospital, he begins a romance with the nurse taking care of him. He then vows to get revenge on the Death Machines. Also, two detectives are assigned to the case to see what the heck is going on.Could this be Ron Marchini's greatest role ever? The only thing he "says" in the movie is when he screams "Raaaaaa!!!" like a banshee. Other than that, it is a totally silent performance. He lets his ballet-like karate moves do all the talking. Marchini has never been more light on his feet and graceful. His Ron-Fu really shines in this effort.There are a lot of great 70's suits and mustaches, and the keyboard soundtrack really stands out. There are some fun brawls and action sequences including a scene with fan-favorite weapon: rocket launcher.A memorable scene occurs when Marchini just wants to sit in a diner and very slowly eat his hamburger. Without any provocation on Marchini's part, a bunch of sleazy and crude bikers hassle him by calling him "Tarz'n" repeatedly. On the soundtrack there is a song about the holy trinity and then all three Death Machines kick into action and beat up all the bikers. Funnily enough, there is a biker who wears a jean jacket with no shirt underneath, and only the bottom snap is holding it all together.Another worthy beat-em-up scene involves the guy with one hand (his one glove pre-dates Michael Jackson) and some local toughs who just want to trash their local watering hole. After turning over some tables and smashing the front window to pieces for no apparent reason, he punches Hand-man and he lies on the bar unconscious. There is a fountain behind him and it appears that the water is being spurted out his nose. His girlfriend comforts him, but the scene is very comical.When the movie finally ends, there is an always-welcome freeze frame. But in a shocking twist, it overstays its welcome. There are no end credits at all, but the freeze frame is there for about the same length as the credits would be. So it is a very, very long shot of the Death Machines in their spiffy suits.Interestingly, the trailer makes it seem like it is a futuristic sci-fi thriller. What it is, is a very fun, ridiculous, silly action-packed drive-in flick 70's style.If you have any appreciation for this kind of movie, you will be sure to love "Death Machines"! For more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com

bensonmum2 Fans of trashy, bad 1970s cinema gather 'round. I've found a real winner – Death Machines. Calling Death Machines "so bad it's good" doesn't begin to explain how deliriously enjoyable this movie truly is. Sure, it's bad – in fact you'd have a hard time finding anything quite so inept – but it's also an incredibly fun experience. What little plot the movie has concerns three assassins for hire – one white, one black, and one Asian (Think of the Death Machines as the Rainbow Coalition of killers - how politically correct!). These killers are all but indestructible – they're even impervious to bullets (the movie may have explained why or how, but I must have missed it). On a mission to take out a local karate studio, they inadvertently leave one man alive. They may have taken off one of his hands, but he's alive nonetheless. The police can't seem to find any leads into the karate studio killings, so it's up to our hero, Whining One Hand (as I like to call him), to bring down the gang of killers.Oh where to start? This is one of those instances where I could easily write paragraph after paragraph about the ineptitude on display in Death Machines. But I'm not sure I can do the thing the justice it deserves. So instead, I'll summarize some of the highlights: The plot is little more than one set-piece after the next that only fit together because some of the characters are the same. The attack on the karate studio, the killing of the man in the phone booth, the bazooka shot at the airplane, the obligatory fight scene in the police station, and the bombing of the bank president – the only connection is that a familiar character or two appears in each scene. Otherwise, you might get the wrong idea and start to think the Death Machines actually had no real, coherent plot (wink, wink).The killers receive their marching orders from one of screendoms most bizarre master criminals. Madame Lee (and I only know her name by reading the credits on IMDb) is one weird cookie. To begin with, she seems incapable of opening her mouth and speaking as a normal person might. Between that, her thick accent, and the boom operator's inability to get close to her, it makes it just about impossible to understand what she's saying. And then there's that wig! Why in God's name did anyone think it would be a good look to have her wear a 12-inch high geisha wig? She looks ridiculous. Add to that her strange way of walking, her unusual choice of wardrobe, and her totally out of place facial expressions and Madame Lee is a sight that must be seen to be believed.The fight choreography is laughable. The opening fight scenes where Madame Lee is picking her three killers is beyond ridiculous. My 6 year-old son takes karate and I'm sure he and a few of his friends could have put together more believable fight set-pieces. And what's with the gun? Who told the white guy to bring a gun to a karate fight? And was it just me or were the opening fights rigged to ensure the racial diversity of Death Machines? White guy fighting white guy, black guy fighting black guy, Asian guy fighting Asian guy? It's too funny.Has there ever been a more ineffective hero than Whining One Hand? When not whining about his problems, getting beat-up by an old man in the bar he works at, or making love to the most unappealing nurse imaginable (I think I might have just thrown up a little in my mouth thinking about it), one of his lone contributions to the movie is to follow the bad guys, crawl through the tall grass, and watch as they blow up a plane and the unknown passengers therein. Does he do anything at all to try to stop the baddies? NO. He merely watches. By the time he shows up at the run-down house (that's obviously a stand-in for an opulent mansion- just use your imagination) the Death Machines have left, Madame Lee's right hand man is already dead, and yet he still manages to get attacked by the wobbly sword welding Madame Lee and her gigantic wig. What does our hero do? Again – nothing. Thank God the police were on hand to take out the dragon lady or Whining One Hand might have ended up being Whining No Hand.On and on it goes (I haven't even gotten into the technical issues, the lack of any sort of ending, the inappropriate Casio keyboard music, or the old time gospel music played over the fight scene in the grocery store/bar). Death Machines is a real hoot of a movie that I implore all fans of bad 70s trash movies to seek out. You won't be disappointed. As for my rating, I'll be honest, rating movies like Death Machines is difficult. On one hand, it's a stinker of epic proportions. But, on the other hand, I've always said that I rate movies based on my enjoyment. And with that in mind, I have to give Death Machines at least a 7/10 even with its numerous and all too obvious problems. Be warned, if the notion of a bad, plot-less 70s movie with characters that have no motivation or acting ability and big bad wigs with speech impediments doesn't appeal to you, stay away. Otherwise, enjoy!

Tom Willett (yonhope) Hi, Everyone, Oh, Boy... This one is a lulu. It has really bad background music whenever they can squeeze it in. There are three bad guys who, I guess, are the stars of this. They beat people up and chop people up and crash trucks and bulldozers into people. Usual stuff.The woman who is sending them on their missions is unable to move her mouth when she speaks. It's sort of like watching a bad ventriloquist who is her own dummy. She walks like she is balancing an egg on her head.The wardrobe is 70s leisure style for the men and blah for the female lead who is supposed to be a good nurse. The bad novocain mouth woman wears red. A silk frock perhaps, or maybe just a poplin windbreaker that is too big.I actually liked the ending even though it did not make a lot of sense. It lets us in on what happened earlier in the film.The police officers are OK. Some bad, some good, all stupid except two. The two bright ones could have worked again in Hollywood.The movie starts interestingly enough and ends with a surprise. The middle sucks. The guy in the diner who gives a free hamburger to the star does a good job. He is like a 1940s character actor. Great voice.This one is a bit too long. The lady with marbles in her mouth could have had just a couple of lines and the rest could have been said by a parrot. It would have been easier to understand a bird.Her scene with a sword could have been handled by a trained woodpecker.Tom Willett