Shite Night
The movie feels like it's two movies happening simultaneously, one is a cop drama, and the other is an absolutely mental ninja movie. Fireball Mitsubishi is an evil group of organ salesman who are run by a ninja who killed the master of an Interpol agent/red ninja. After tracking down his master's killer the red ninja wigs out and his head starts spinning, from here the next 20 minutes of the movie are the best 20 minutes you'll watch in any movie. Ninjas change colours, they multiply, they even become a human pyramid. Before watching this movie I never understood the true powers ninjas possessed, and now that I do I have a deep respect for the ways of ninjitsu.For a video review check out the link below. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXIc2_t0vrs
Comeuppance Reviews
Less a movie, and more the demented hallucination of a kung fu movie fan who watched an all-night marathon of martial arts films while on LSD, and then asked to vomit up his insane ramblings on to celluloid, "Clash of the Ninjas" is one of the pre-eminent cult Chinese action movies out there. It puts other sought-after, supposedly similar titles like "Karate Cop" to shame.The plot (????) concerns a white guy with a beard who looks like Tom Green who is actually a secret ninja. His name is Mr. Roy, and he is the head of an underground organ-stealing ring, and presides over a boardroom of baddies who take his orders. He speaks into an "intercom" which is really just a portable cassette recorder. By day, he wears a suit. By night, a black ninja outfit emblazoned with his "secret" corporate logo, three diamonds. It bears a very strong resemblance to the Mitsubishi logo. This may be some thinly veiled criticism of Mitsubishi, and corporate life in general, as this is clearly a message movie.There are on-site surgeries, where eyeballs are taken out of skulls and put into jars and other organs are harvested. "Clash of the Ninjas" was clearly ahead of its time in this regard, as it was many years ahead of such movies as "The Harvest" and "Repo Men".After many years of success with this venture, the "human guinea pigs have started rioting!" and there is a slave revolt of sorts. While the organization is still reeling from this setback, the authorities send in Tony, a dude whose dirt 'stache and mullet are as wicked awesome as his fighting skills.He teams up with the token black character to bring down Mr. Roy's organization. We know Tony is good at what he does because when two thugs who look like the late Heath Ledger and Ed O'Neill take on the salt-and-pepper team, they are quickly dispatched. But it's also personal for Tony, as Mr. Roy, being the total bastard that he is, killed his beloved mentor, as we learn in a flashback. So now it's Tony Vs. Mr. Roy in a no-holds-barred (some holds that you've never even considered are not barred) fight to the finish – and what a finish! Where to start with how awesome this one is, especially the last 20 minutes? First off, there is the dialogue, which really is just a loud mishmash of nonsensical phrases. Aside from the aforementioned criticism of the human guinea pigs, other standouts include: "I like to wrestle through my days!" and, extolling the virtues of his TV, another character jovially yells: "two channels, watch it a lot!!!!" and those are only a few examples. If we had the time and the space, if we transcribed all the dialogue from this movie, you would laugh your ass off.Also, on top of some great 80's touches, like scenes of aerobics and racquetball, and a surprising amount of blood and gore, this exercise in pure cinema silliness includes a disappearing ninja with "pew pew" laser noises, unscary white guys in black hoods, car chases, wacky fight scenes, funny outfits, hilarious sound effects, dubbing and music, a gun that turns into smoke, a ninja whose head spins 360 degrees, and a bravura effect where a ninja's sais shoot flame. I won't give away the ending but I'll just say this…WATCH THE ENDING! "Clash of the Ninjas" should be much more well-known. It probably got lost in the shuffle during the 80's ninja boom. There were so many movies with the word "ninja" in the title on video store shelves of the time, this diamond stayed in the rough, except among a select few in the know. For pure action entertainment, I don't believe it's possible to do better than Clash of the Ninjas. Don't wait until tonight, watch it right now!
edgarronifigaro9999-1
Alright. As far as good movies go, this one's right out the window...that is, unless you have an appreciation for the bad movies. If you love MST3K, then you'll love this movie, but you must, and I can't stress this enough, MUST pull a MST3K while watching it.Otherwise your head will explode.The final death in this movie is worth the pain and suffering caused by the movie. The main bad ninja seems to be employed by the Mitsubishi Corporation. The love scene will make you wonder..now how exactly did this work chronologically...This is the Best Worst movie you will ever watch. As long as you can make fun of it whilst watching it. Also...it helps to be watching it with at least one other like minded person so they can get humor out of your ranting and raving as well as add their own. It is a definite MUST WATCH!
HaemovoreRex
Directed by Wallace Chan eh? - Pull the other one, this is in fact directed by everyone's favourite cinematic crook, our old friend Godfrey Ho hiding beneath yet another of his seemingly limitless pseudonyms!And with our man Ho in the directors chair you know exactly what to expect here.....yes it's yet another cut and splice craptastic ninja outing featuring western actors edited into a completely non related Asian flick with predictably bewildering results.The plot concerns a criminal organisation headed by a group of ninja who are trading in human organs harvested from, shall we say politely, 'unwilling donors' (they're actually kidnapped and surgically robbed of their innards!) Getting wind of this dubious enterprise Interpol are understandably quick to send in some of their agents to put a stop to this somewhat grisly affair.As it happens, at the start of the movie a number of the 'donors' decide to stage a riot at their less than sanitary and humane conditions (oh and the minor fact that they also get wind of their intended fate!) A lucky few manage to break out of the compound in which they are being held (which amounts to a corrugated tin shed!) and flee with the guards (and the newly edited in ninja boss) in hot pursuit. The rest of the films running time pans between our intrepid escapees lives on the run from their captors who's sole intent now is to eliminate them and the newer Interpol/ninja storyline.Amazingly (and against all statistical probability!) our main hero (played by Muay Thai specialist Paulo Torca) has an additional personal feud with the head evil ninja responsible for the organs scam, after it is revealed (via a decidedly shoddy flashback sequence) that he murdered our hero's master years previously - yes you've guessed it, our hero also just happens to be a ninja! Along the way, our hero's thirst for revenge is made even stronger when the evil ninja seriously injures his partner and later on, brutally murders his girlfriend......what a thoroughly unpleasant fellow eh?!Anyway, to cut a long story short, the two ninja meet up at the films climax for a good old fashioned showdown. And what a showdown it proves to be! Tip: When dispatching a ninja, be sure to stand well back as they are ostensibly highly explosive!What can I say? Hilarious and atrocious over acting, horrible dubbing and a typically baffling story all combine to make this yet another Z-grade classic from the incomparable Godfrey Ho. For fellow fans of bad movies, a definite must see!
