ReaderKenka Let's be realistic.

Afouotos Although it has its amusing moments, in eneral the plot does not convince.

Roman Sampson One of the most extraordinary films you will see this year. Take that as you want.

Rexanne It’s sentimental, ridiculously long and only occasionally funny

slayrrr666 "A Polish Vampire in Burbank" is a pure and simple cheese-ball goof-fest.**SPOILERS**Upset with his behavior, vampire Dupah, (Mark Pirro) is sent out by his father, (Hugh O. Fields) and sister Yvonne, (Marya Gant) to loose his neck-biting virginity. After trying and failing on several occasions to do so, he finally meets Delores Lane, (Lori Sutton) a horror-film aficionado who has a soft spot for vampires, and they begin to have a lot of fun together, yet he feels ashamed he has to keep his secret from her. As he keeps coming closer and closer to sharing it with her, he keeps coming across stumbling blocks, and when he finally gets up the nerve to tell her, she ends up taking the whole thing as a joke, he sets out to prove to her that he really is a vampire and let her know he wasn't joking around.The Good News: This here was a pretty good and fun vampire film. The main thing here is that there's so much goofy humor to this that it's overall pretty funny. There's a ton of really lame gags and jokes in here that eventually, they start to make for some pretty big laughs. From the hilarity of the brother vampire's first neck-biting experience to the low-rent rip-off of the skeleton giving advice, there's some really uproarious times in here. That's not to mention all the jokes and puns in this, with the running of the nationality coming into question whenever he says his name and all the other jokes that come flying through this one, all make this one incredibly enjoyable. The film's rather fun Gothic atmosphere is about the only tangible evidence that it is a horror film, as the castle where they live is incredibly fun and enjoyable, with the requisite amount of natural elements usually present, cobwebs, dust and more which does have a slightly eerie look to it in the few scenes where it's present. The last good part is that there's some really nice special effects in here, mainly used for the really nice meltdown scene where the vampire goes down to bones, with a pile of goo spreading from the pile in a great sequence. These here are what really help the film.The Bad News: This one here didn't have a whole lot wrong with it. The main thing is that the comedy is not for everyone. It has a rather goofy and out-there sense of humor with it's jokes and gags that there's bound to be some who find it stupid and not at all funny. It's one of the single most controversial aspects for a horror film to have a lot of rather stupid humor in it, since there's only going to be a selected amount of those who like that. The other flaw is the film's lack of really horrific vampire action. There's no scares in here, and even less is played up with any kind of a horror angle whatsoever, and it's really hard to be scared of these, even though it feels like it should be. These here are the film's flaws.The Final Verdict: An incredibly fun, if not entirely all that scary vampire film that has a lot to make it fun and enjoyable entry. Give this a try only if you're in the mood for a cheap, schlock-filled vampire film or in the mood for some fun, while those looking for more serious vampire fare should look elsewhere.Rated PG-13: Language and Violence

classicsoncall If, like the female protagonist in "Polish Vampire in Burbank", you can't get enough of vampire movies, you might as well add this one to your list. But be warned, this ham and cheese fest defies simple classification, as it aims for comic horror and winds up a horrific comedy.To be sure, the simple plot has an original touch. The lead character, vampire Dupah (Mark Pirro), has yet to bite his first victim; he gets human blood from his father (Hugh O. Fields) and oversexed sister Yvonne (Marya Gant) on their nightly excursions, and drinks his allotment with a straw from a baggy. Utilizing every double entendre in the book, the film proceeds to follow Dupah's agonizing quest to lose his vampiric virginity. He laments that his fangs may be too small, he worries about his first act of penetration, and wonders if he can "go all the way". Dupah is encouraged by the skeletal chatter of his older brother Sphincter (Eddie Deezen), even though in life he hated the sight of blood, and met his demise when he couldn't outrun a sunrise, the classic curse of the vampire.There are more unique elements as well; in a flashback sequence we learn how Sphincter almost had the Holy Ghost beat into him by the Judo for Jesus Girl (Catharine Wheatley). The "Queerwolf" concept (Paul Farbman) is probably the best of the film, he was a normal man before "it" happened - but since being bitten by a queer during a full moon, he has trouble keeping his wrist straight.Eventually, Dupah jacks up the courage to bite his new girlfriend Delores Lane (Lori Sutton), and as he completes his mission, his accomplishment is heralded by the strains of the "Rocky" theme.The film, produced on a shoestring by Mark Pirro doing triple duty as actor, writer and director, suffers from poor production values, but hey, it made a half million dollars on a next to nothing budget of twenty five hundred bucks. It makes me wonder what a big budget film with today's technology could accomplish.So, was there anything actually scary about "Polish Vampire"? Well yes, there's Ernie and Misty (Steven and Bobbi Dorsch) doing a Sonny and Cher impression. One last thought, was it just me, or did the skeleton of Dupah in the film's finale look like Michael Jackson?

David Edward Martin I was astounded to read somewhere that Mark Pirro did his film using super-8 mm film equipment! Wow! A true champion of the ultra-low-budget filmmaker! Of course, it also means the film is pretty grainy but if you're going straight to video, so what!

mcgee4468 Some friends & I found "Polish Vampire" on the video shelves one night over ten years ago, and it's tribute to simplistic humor and silly sound effects inspired us to create a series of films ourselves - which, should any of us ever decide to run for congress, you'll no doubt see. I found a copy of "Polish Vampire" on E-Bay, got some of the old gang together and we laughed at the same jokes and silly sounds of Dupah's stomach growling. We abstained this time from making more films, but all decided that "Polish Vampire" is, like, comedy for the ageless, for sure.